i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
