We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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