So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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