Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
