i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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