I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
