These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
