I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
