I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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