What did we do last night that was yellow?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
porn star boner night. come get it.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
