you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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