Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
