I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
There are leaves in my underwear?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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