If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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