Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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