Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
