my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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