omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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