She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize