i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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