Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
