Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
