You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
