If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
