the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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