What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
