everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
