I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
