At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
