Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
