Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
