she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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