You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The air was thick with penises
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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