K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
