im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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