what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
