Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize