I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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