Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We're too hungover to prance.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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