so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
