he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
