I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
