At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
