I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
