fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
