Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Actions speak louder than pants.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize