non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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