he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
