You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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