I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
