Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
