This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
