ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize