My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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