peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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