i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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