She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize