My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
