so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
