just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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