Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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