Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
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