Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
