HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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