recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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