booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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