Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
