I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
